Anxious Generation – by Jonathan Haidt

Recently, I read the book Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. (How the great rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness). As parents, we often struggle with screen time for kids. Many times, in many households, we give in, or we simply do not have a choice but to equip kids with devices. In a lot of schools, including schools in India, a lot of communication happens via WhatsApp and other platforms. However, where we struggle is figuring out how much time kids can spend on their phones or apps like Instagram or Snapchat.

Do We Need Laws Around Screen Usage?

As parents, would we tolerate a 9-year-old smoking or taking drugs? Fortunately, alcohol and cigarettes cannot be sold to anyone under 18 or 21 in many countries. We have enacted these laws well. If they didn’t exist, and we had 8 or 9-year-olds smoking and drinking, would we tolerate it? The same logic applies to devices. We need laws in place so children cannot open Instagram, Snapchat, or other social media accounts until a certain age. Today, age restrictions do exist on these platforms. However, if the age limit is 14, children can simply key in 18 and open their accounts anyway.

Screen Time Has Replaced Play Time

Unfortunately, screen time has taken away play time. This causes a lot of issues for children. When a child should be out on a field playing a sport, we often see them glued to a screen instead. How can all this be avoided?

It Is Okay to Say No

What if there are two kids in the house? One gets screen time and the other doesn’t. The author writes that it is okay to tell a kid “No.” Life is not fair. Sometimes one person gets more than another. This happens not just in households, but in life. I wondered, if kids already have a lot of screen time and it feels impossible to reverse, what do we do? This is something many parents struggle with. However, the author writes that we need to take steps to fix it. We can’t simply say that time has passed and nothing can be done. He uses the example of cars and drugs being recalled. Screen time, he argues, should be “recalled” too, otherwise it has severe consequences on mental health.

The Addiction Is by Design

Social platforms are incentivized for more engagement, which makes them addictive. The author writes that kids got addicted post-2010, with the iPhone being launched and apps like Instagram and Snapchat taking over teenagers’ lives. By 2014, nearly a third of teen girls were spending 20 hours a week on social media. That is half of a full-time job. Smartphones have caused children to lose interest in almost all non-screen-based activities.

The Critical Window: Ages 12 and Under

There is an interesting parallel the author draws. When kids move to a new country, those who are 12 or younger quickly become native speakers with no accent, while those who are 14 or older will probably be asked for the rest of their lives, “Where are you from?” Ages 12 and under are a critical window. If our kids are not outside playing and are instead glued to their phones, won’t that hurt them in the long run?

This Problem Did Not Start with Social Media

To be honest, even before social media, when the internet was introduced in the late 90s, in the era of Yahoo Messenger and chat rooms, I remember wasting a lot of time as a kid. In hindsight, I feel bad about it. Yes, it was addictive, and it did take a lot of time for me to get over it. So I would argue that this problem existed even before 2010. But before 2010, it was not as widespread or as accessible. Now, almost every other kid has a phone and is watching YouTube or playing games.

Gaming, Sleep and the Boy-Girl Divide

Research has found that gaming can be good for the brain. However, even gaming needs to be contained. Kids cannot be playing online games all the time. They need physical activity. Kids also need a lot of sleep, and when devices disrupt sleep, it impacts their growth and development. The author also draws a comparison between girls and boys. Based on research, girls are more impacted by phones and devices than boys. Girls tend to place more importance on social standing, seeking likes for their posts and videos. This affects them significantly, especially during puberty.

Discover Mode vs. Defend Mode

The author also writes about “Discover Mode” and the need for risky play. If we want our kids to be truly safe, they need to step out of the virtual world and play. We need to encourage them to take risks, discover things on their own, and yes, it is okay for them to try new things and get hurt. That is how they learn. They do not learn by sitting in front of a screen, and certainly not by being kept in “Defend Mode,” where they are not allowed to try new things. We should not be overprotective. We should have them do household chores, go to a bank, walk to a nearby store, buy things on their own, and more.

In Discover Mode, kids scan for opportunities, think for themselves, and want to grow. In Defend Mode, kids scan for dangers, develop a scarcity mindset, cling to their group, and always want to play it safe. Kids need to develop their immune systems and be exposed to dirt, bacteria, and the messiness of the real world. Phobias in adults can often be traced back to childhood experiences. Children are far more likely to thrive with a play-based childhood than a phone-based one.

So, What Can We Do?

We need to work on reversing this trend, and the author is clear that we cannot do it in silos. Schools need to collaborate with each other. Parents need to collaborate with other parents. If the majority of kids in a class have smartphones, that is a problem we need to address collectively. We can form playgroups where kids get together instead of spending time on their phones. And ultimately, laws and regulations need to be enacted by the state. Outdoor play with kids of mixed ages is the healthiest and most beneficial kind of play.

My Take on the Book

I am thankful to have read this book. As I read it, I also felt a sense of fear, because as a parent, there are a lot of things I could have done better. But it is not too late. We need to work on reversing the trend, for the better future of our kids.